


Smoke and Mirrors

by GinnyK



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-06-30
Updated: 2002-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 04:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15112097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: Post Ep -Manchester, Part I





	Smoke and Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

**Smoke & Mirrors**

**by:** Ginny 

**Category:** Post-ep to _Manchester, Part I_   
**Character:** Jed Bartlet  
**Rating:** YTEEN 

I light another cigarette as Leo walks away. 

I sent him back to the house to rest for a while. He looks like crap. 

I didn't actually tell him that though, cause then he would have had to point out that I look the same way. I took a good look in the mirror this morning while I was shaving. God, when did I get so old? I hardly recognized the reflection in the mirror. Maybe deep down, I didn't want to recognize the man I've become. 

I take a long drag and idly wonder how Toby blows those smoke rings. Maybe smoke signals would be a better thing for me to learn. But smoke signals would give the impression that I need some help. And I'm not sure I'm ready to give up the illusion I have of being able to handle things alone. 

I'm not talking political things; I've never handled them alone. I mean the hell that is my personal life at the moment. I know Abbey's been talking to the girls about our problems so I've tried to keep from telling my side of the story. Let Abbey have them on her side for a while...maybe that wasn't the right term but I know what I mean. 

Ordinarily I have Leo to talk to about these things. But right now he's too busy to worry about my marital problems. Oh sure, he's curious but he'll never ask about them. None of them will. And for that I am eternally grateful. 

As the cigarette burns down and comes dangerously close to burning my fingers, a couple of things occur to me. 

First, my two cigarette a day habit has grown into half a pack a day. 

Second, Abbey should be arriving any minute and I just can't seem to get my legs to move in the direction of the house. And no, they aren't numb from an MS episode. 

I realize it is not just my legs going numb my whole body feels that way. Felt that way ever since I got her last night. 

I am the President of the United States, I've just announced my plans for re-election, I am actually spending a few days at home, (no matter how long I live at the White House it will never truly be my home, Manchester is my home), my best friend was just here and my wife is arriving any minute and I feel.... 

Nothing. 

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to fight, with Abbey, with anyone. 

I just want to be the best President I can be. I want to lead without all this crap hanging around my neck like a noose threatening to choke me. It want to be able to "Let Bartlet be Bartlet" 

A few months ago if I felt like this Abbey would be right by my side, telling me to focus. Now she's not by my side very often, she's barely talking to me. And do I blame her for her silence? 

Not at all. I mean, I, Josiah Barlet, her husband of over 30 years went on television and told the American public I had made a life-altering decision. But I didn't mention one little detail; I forgot to consult with my wife. 

Yeah, I screwed her, royally. 

Am I sorry for that, sure I am. 

Am I going to change my mind, hell no. 

So for the past month we've been basically been hiding behind smoke and mirrors. Ignoring each other while making sure to have just enough appearances together to keep the staff and the press corps from getting any more suspicious than they already are. I'm not sure it is working though. 

I know Josh wasn't too thrilled about me getting on the plane alone last night. I overheard CJ say something to him about not being able to produce a computer-generated version of Abbey. The very thought of it struck me as somewhat hysterical and I walked to my study quickly before CJ and Josh heard me laughing. 

Maybe I should have stayed and got them to laugh with me. God knows they need a little laughter in their lives right about now. 

Ron just yelled across the field, Abbey should be here in about half an hour. Enough time for another cigarette, the long walk back to the house, a swig of Scope (to cover up the last cigarette), a quick glance in the mirror and a few deep breaths. 

As I exhale slowly I see a perfect smoke ring come out and float over my head. I watch it float over towards the pasture until the smoke dissipates into nothing. Kind of like the way I feel at the moment. 

But I don't want to feel this way. I want to be heard. 

I want to finally sit down next to Abbey and work this out. I want to be able to walk out onto that platform on Monday morning and kiss my wife. Well, I'm sure that will happen anyway, but I want her to want to kiss me, for real. I don't want to feel like I'm living some computer-generated version of my life. 

I want to lose the smoke and mirrors. 

I want to be me, for better or for worse. 

THE END   



End file.
